


I'm Still in Love with You

by Jessica6t



Series: Loving you's the antidote [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blackmail, Crying, Fights, Lots of Crying, M/M, Small fluff, Tour, break ups, poorly written smut, still in love, there will be a sequal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27824239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessica6t/pseuds/Jessica6t
Summary: "I'm still in lo-" Niall cuts Harry off before he can continue."Please Harry, don't." Niall shakes his head. "I can't hear you say that, because if I do I won't be able to walk away and I need to. I can't go back down that road with you.""Why not?" Harry asks, turning to face Niall. Niall does the same. They sit criss cross facing each other in the middle of the bed."I-I, I can't trust you." Harry frowns."Bullshit." Harry scoffs."Excuse me?" Niall crosses his arms."It's not because you don't trust me, it's because you're scared."----Imagine: It’s the year 2021. One Direction decide to do a reunion tour because of the disaster year 2020 was. (pretend the coronavirus is over, cool?)Oh, also they shoot a documentary during the tour
Relationships: Niall Horan/Harry Styles
Series: Loving you's the antidote [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036218
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	I'm Still in Love with You

**_Harry's pov_ **

The house is deadly silent. The only sound that can be heard is the wind rustling around outside. Harry lay in his bed, deep in thought. He has a big decision to make. 

He got the idea earlier in the week while having dinner with his sister, Gemma. She suggested doing something for the fans to help make up for the hell 2020 was. He had been working on his third solo album. Thinking maybe he could release a song early. He went to the list of songs that could be used, and looked at them carefully.

All of them were about _him_.

That’s when the idea hit Harry. 

It had been more than eighteen months. Maybe it was time to do something with the lads. The only problem? He had lost contact with all but one of them. 

He immediately went to fish his phone out of his pocket and call him. Harry was freaking out over his idea, but felt like it was something he needed to do. He pressed the contact and hit call, waiting patiently while the phone rings. 

“Hey Haz.” The only voice that had been able to calm him down these past few years answered. Harry broke out into a small smile. 

“Hey Li.”

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Harry could hear Liam’s smile through the phone. 

“I have an idea. I need your opinion.”

“I’m all ears.”

“Gemma brought up that I should do something for the fans this year because of everything people went through in 2020. So, I was going to maybe release a song or a music video, but then I thought maybe enough time has passed.” I stopped there. 

“Harry…” Liam trials off. “If this is going where I think it is, I’m not sure how the others would feel about it.” I sighed.

“I know that, but you still talk to them!” It was Liam’s turn to sigh. 

“What’s your idea?” Liam asked. 

“I had to cancel tour, Louis had to cancel tour, and you know.” 

“Niall had to cancel tour.” Liam continued for him. Harry’s breath hitched just hearing his name.

“Exactly,” Harry continued, pretending hearing his name didn’t affect him. “So we should just do a small reunion tour to make up for it.” 

“Harry, I don’t know about that.” Liam shook his head. 

“Liam, I know they don’t want to talk to me, but come on.”

“You know they have a good reason for that.” Liam said. 

“No, _he_ has a good reason. Not the rest of them. They all took sides.” Harry huffs out a breath. 

“By hurting Niall, you hurt the rest of them.” 

“You act like I wanted to hurt him. I care about him, okay? I know I was a shitty person, but that was years ago. I’ve changed and I just want to talk to him.” Harry was close to tears. Talking about what happened would always make him feel like shit. 

“Alright Haz, calm down. Take some deep breaths.” Liam tried to soothe. 

“I just miss him.” 

“I know, Hazza, it’ll be okay. I’ll ask them to meet at my house for some fun, and you’ll come too and it will be a surprise.” Harry scoffed. 

“Not a good one.” Liam sighed. 

“Harry, I will see you at my house Saturday at 12.” With that Liam ended the call. 

Now it’s Friday night. Harry can’t fall asleep. His mind is too busy being on overdrive. Tomorrow will be the first time he has been with all the lads in years. 

Of course, he wishes they could have all stayed close, but it was his fault. He fucked up and ruined everything good thing he had. 

To try and actually sleep, he does what thousands of people have done, he puts Heartbreak Weather on his Google Home and lets _his_ voice soothe him to sleep.

For the first time in years, he’ll be hearing _his_ voice in person. Harry might be nervous for tomorrow, but he is also extremely excited. 

His breath evens out and he falls asleep listening to Put A Little Love On Me. 

Harry stands outside of Liam’s house. His hands are clammy and he can’t stop shaking. Liam told him to come a little later, so the lads would already be there. He rings the doorbell and takes a deep breath.

Liam answers the door with a big smile. “They are in the game room.” Harry nods and walks past Liam into the house. Harry has been there millions of times, so he is able to get to the game room without any help. He stops before entering.

That’s when he hears it. His favorite sound. The most beautiful laugh.

 _His_ laugh. 

The smile that comes to his face is involuntary. Harry knows he won’t be happy to see him, but he really wants to do this. He gives himself one more second and then enters. The room automatically falls into silence. 

The first person’s eyes he meets are Louis’. His mouth is hanging open and he has wide eyes. 

Harry slowly faces _him_. He looks like he’s seen a ghost. 

“What the fuck?” Zayn is the first to break the silence. He runs towards Harry and tackles him to the ground. Screams erupt as Zayn throws a punch to Harry’s face. 

“Zayn!” Liam screams. 

“Why the fuck are you here?” Zayn growls and holds Harry by the shoulders. “You’re not welcome here.” All of a sudden, Zayn is lifted off Harry, kicking and screaming. “You son of a bitch.” Louis helps lift Harry off the ground. “You shouldn’t be here. Why is he here?” Zayn whips his head around to stare pointedly at Liam. 

“He just wants to talk.” Liam defends. Harry nods vigorously. 

“Please, please hear me out.” Harry pleads. 

“It’s not up to me if you stay here.” Zayn shakes his head. All eyes in the room go to _him._ He goes red at everyone’s stare. 

“Whatever.” He shrugs. Harry is not used to the cool way he is acting. He was only ever warm and kind to Harry. Except for that one night, when everything fell apart. 

“I miss you guys.” Harry looks down and plays with his fingers. “I know I messed up, but I promise I’ve changed. I’m not the same guy I was before. Ask Liam. I will forever regret what I did, but please let me make it up to you guys.” Silent tears fall down Harry’s face. He just wants everything to go back to the way they were before.

He loved being solo. He loved making his own albums and going on tour by himself. But something was missing that entire time, and it was his friends. Those boys have been his family since XFactor. 

It wasn’t even his idea to go solo, and that was what ruined everything to being with. Harry loved the band and loved being in it. He was never good with change and when everything he had always known started to change around him, he crumbled. 

“Why now?” Louis speaks up. “Years have passed, why now?”

“Because it’s been too long and I want you guys back in my life.” 

“You promised you’ve changed?” Louis asks. Harry nods rapidly. “I’m willing to give you a chance. I’ve missed you.” With a bright smile, Louis pulls Harry into a hug. 

“It’s gonna take a lot more than a little speech to make me forgive you.” Zayn huffs. 

“I completely understand that, but I’ll do everything I can to make it up to you.” Zayn gives him a weak nod. 

“I guess I’m sorry for hitting you.” Harry waves him off. 

“I deserved it.” 

“Fuck all of you.” _He_ snaps and runs out of the room.

“Wait.” Harry runs after him. He is too quick and almost out the door when Harry finally sucks it and up screams, “Niall!” Just saying his name leaves Harry panting. It’s been a long time since he could say it without breaking out into sobs. Niall turns around with red eyes. 

“You have no right to say anything to me.” Harry takes a cautious step towards him.

“Please, just let me explain.” Harry pleads. 

“No! It’s been six years, let it go.” Harry shakes his head. 

“I can’t let it go if you’re not my friend anymore.” Niall scoffs.

“Friends? Is that all we were?” Niall shakes his head, fresh tears coming out of his eyes. Seeing Niall like that breaks Harry, but he is the one who caused those tears.

“I didn’t mean it like that. You know I loved you.” Harry sighs. He takes a few more steps towards Niall. Niall backs up and leans against the wall.

“You didn’t love me. If you did you wouldn’t have treated me the way you did.” Niall fires back.

“Please don’t say I didn’t love you. I loved you more than anything and I was just freaked out. I thought you were going to leave me.” Harry’s voice cracks. 

“Why on earth would I do that? Harry I would have traveled to the ends of the world for you. _You_ ruined that, you made me leave, and you know that.” Harry slowly nods his head.

“If there is one thing I could change in my life, it would be that night.”

_Flashback_

_“What do you mean you want to quit the band?” Harry shouts, standing up from their bed._

_“That’s not what I said Harry!” Niall growls. “I just want to take a break, a hiatus if you will.” Harry drowns out Niall’s words and just shakes his head._

_“Are we not enough for you?” Harry screams._

_“Don’t be ridiculous! Of course you are. I just have my own personal things that I want to try and do on my own.” Niall shrugs as if it’s not a big deal, but with each word it is tearing Harry’s world apart._

_“On your own?” Harry questions. “As in without me?” Harry’s voice breaks._

_“No Haz, as in without One Direction.” Harry shakes his head._

_“That’s the same thing.”_

_“No it’s not! I just want to be Niall Horan for a bit. Not Niall Horan, from One Direction. I want my music to be taken seriously and you know it never will be in One Direction.” Niall stands in front of Harry and gently cups his cheeks. “I love you and this has nothing to do with not wanting to be with you. This is just me wanting to explore myself and my music. Please let me do this Haz.” Niall pleads with Harry._

_“You’re leaving me.” Harry cries._

_“Fuck Harry, did you listen to anything I just said?” Niall is exasperated. He just wants Harry to understand._

_“I have to go.” Harry moves out of Niall’s hold._

_“No, baby, please.” Niall begs. “I love you, okay. Please just go to sleep and we can talk about this more in the morning.” Harry nods and gets in bed with Niall. Niall flips Harry over so Niall’s chest is against Harry’s back._

_In barely over a whisper Harry says, “I love you too.”_

_When Harry hears Niall’s breath even out, he waits a couple of minutes and then exits out of Niall’s arms._

_He decides to head to the pub for a bit. He just needed to get out of their house. Niall wanted to leave the band. He knows how much Zayn leaving hurt him, and now he wants to do the same exact thing._

_Niall and Harry won’t be able to last if they're not in the band together. Sure they live together, but Niall is going to realize how better off he is without Harry around and then they’ll fall apart. Niall is gonna be super famous and amazing and leave the rest of the boys in the dust._

_Harry shakes his head and tries to get the negative thoughts of Niall out of his head. Niall is perfect and beautiful and amazing. He would never leave Harry._

_Harry enters the pub. It’s loud and very active. He goes to the bar immediately, taking a spot in one of the stools._

_“What would you like?” The bartender asks._

_“Just a beer.” Harry sighs. He doesn’t want to go home to Niall drunk._

_Four beers later, Harry is chatting with the bartender, whose name he learned is Carl. A girl slides into the stool beside him._

_“You’re Harry Styles right?” She asks with a huge smile. Harry just nods his head. “I’m Rebecca. Would you like to buy me a drink?” She flutters her eyelashes._

_“I’m good.” Harry replies shortly._

_“Come on. I think we should get to know each other.” Rebecca puts her hand on Harry’s thigh. Harry quickly grabs it and pushes her off._

_“I’m dating someone, please stop.” Harry tries to let her down gently._

_“They would never be as good as me.” She whispers into Harry’s ear._

_“That’s completely fine, but please go away.” Rebecca sighs, but does get up and go. Harry sighs a breath of relief._

_“I’m so sorry about that.” A different girl says. Harry looks at her in confusion._

_“My friend.” She points to Rebecca. “She doesn’t know when she isn’t wanted.” Harry lets out a small laugh._

_“At least she did leave.” Harry shrugs._

_“How about I buy you a drink to make up for her?” The girl offers._

_“I wasn’t lying to her, I am taken.” Harry tells her._

_“That’s fine. I just want to make up for her. I’m Cristina.” She holds out her hand. Harry shakes it and offers her a small smile._

_“Harry.”_

_The night goes on with the two buying each other drinks and telling jokes. Harry tries to keep the entire exchange innocent. He would never do anything that would hurt Niall._

_“I’ll walk you home. It’s late.” Harry tells Cristina. She nods and gets off her stool. Harry drapes his jacket around her shoulders. She stumbles when walking so Harry wraps his arm around her waist._

_They near her flat so she steps out of his hold and gives him his jacket back. “I appreciate you walking me home Harry.” She opens her arms up for a hug. Harry laughs and gives her a quick hug._

_“Anytime.” Cristina pulls back from the hug, grabs his cheeks, and crashes their lips together._

_Harry doesn't immediately pull away because of his surprise, and that action right there will be the beginning of the end. Harry finally pulls himself together and backs away from her. She keeps her hands on his cheeks and won't let him go. Harry yanks her hands off him and puts a significant amount of space between them._

_"What the fuck was that?" Harry exclaims._

_"You're rude to my friend, I ruin you. I wonder how your significant other will take that." She then turns around and runs away._

_Harry stands there, shocked. He has no idea what the fuck just happened. He wasn't even rude to her friend? She was harassing him. He shakes his head and thanks God that there were no paparazzi around him._

_He calls for a car so he can go home and pretend this night never happened. After about an hour, he finally gets home and sneaks back into his room. Niall is in the bed, restless._

_"'ari babes. Is that you?" Niall grumbles from the bed. His voice laced with sleep._

_"Yeah, sorry, I had to piss." Niall lets out a little chuckle and then opens his arms for Harry to come back into._

_"Goodnight." Niall says onto the back of Harry's neck._

_"Goodnight."_

_Harry wakes up in the morning with a phone hitting his face. "What the fuck?" Harry screeches._

_"Do you hate me?" Niall jumps on the bed and sits on top of Harry._

_"What are you talking about?" Harry questions. Niall pushes Harry down by his shoulders and laughs._

_"I had to piss." Niall mocks Harry's accent. "You went out without telling me. And then lied to me about it." Niall sounds betrayed. "And then you kissed someone else." Harry finally gets a good look in Niall's eyes. He can see the pain in them. They should never look like that._

_"Let me explain." Harry starts slowly._

_"We've been together for four years. I've never worried about you cheating on me until this moment right now." Niall sniffles._

_"No!" Harry exclaims. "I'll admit, I did lie to you about going out. But I swear Niall, I didn't cheat. I walked her home because she was drunk and then she kissed me. I tried to push her away." Niall stares into Harry's eyes. He looks for sincerity and sees it._

_"Do you promise?" Niall hangs out his pinkie._

_"Of course." Harry nods and hooks his pinkie around Niall's. They both kiss their hands and Niall gives Harry a small nod._

_"Don't lie or scare me like that again." Niall leans down and pecks Harry's lips._

_"Niall, we have nowhere to be for hours." Harry laughs._

_"You're right. We should make the most of our time."_

"Yeah, well you can't. And it wasn't just that night. It was the days leading up to it as well. I trusted you. You said you didn't cheat and I believed you. God, I was such an idiot." Niall puts his head in his hands. 

"No, Ni, I swear when I first saw her _she_ kissed me. I pulled away." Niall shook his head and a tear felt out of his eye. 

"I just can't believe you Harry. After what you did, I can't believe a word that comes out of your mouth." Niall pushes off the wall.

"I swear I've changed Ni. I know I messed up-"

"It was more than just a mess up Harry! You cheated on me! We were together for YEARS and you threw that away because you were mad! Don't say it was a mess up because it was way more than that." Niall screams, running his hands through his hair. Strands sticking up everywhere. 

"I didn't cheat on you." Harry tries to defend himself. 

"Yes you did! Stop trying to lie, Harry. It's been six years. Please just stop." Niall sobs into his hands.

"Ni, I want to tell you the truth. The entire truth." Harry looks at Niall with pleading eyes. "I've been scared for six years, but I need this to stop. I miss you more than any consequences I will face.

"Then tell me." Niall gestures for Harry to continue. 

"Not here." Harry shakes his head. 

"I won't be alone with you right now. It's either here, or nowhere." Niall is stubborn. He won't leave Liam's house to listen to Harry. He doesn't see the big deal on why they have to leave.

"Ni, please, let's just go somewhere else." Harry wants privacy for what he's about to say. He's scared and doesn't want to just shout it out in the middle of Liam's hallway. 

"We can go to one of Liam's rooms. That's the most I'll give you. Oh, and stop calling me Ni. You're not my friend anymore, you don't get to call me that." A lump forms in Harry's throat after Niall says that, but he pushes it down and nods.

"I usually stay in his guest room, so we can go there." Harry offers Niall his hand, and Niall just stares at it like he's crazy. Niall walks around Harry and goes to the guest room. "You don't even know where you're going!" Harry shouts to him.

"Then let's go." Niall stops in his tracks and waits for Harry to catch up to him. 

They get to the guest room. Niall chooses to sit on the bed, and Harry goes to the desk chair, not wanting to make Niall uncomfortable by sitting next to him. 

"Just let me say everything, and my point of view of that night, and then you can add whatever you want, okay?" Niall gives Harry a small nod. "Okay, so I'll just start from the beginning." 

_Flashback_

  
  


_"Niall." Harry groans, tightening his hold on him. Niall continues kissing down Harry's neck._

_"We should probably take this to the bedroom. Unless you want to stain our new couch." Niall laughs into Harry's neck._

_"You're the one that decided to jump me while I was on the couch." Harry argued._

_"I didn't jump you? You were sitting here, eating fucking watermelon like your life depended on it. I swear to god I've never seen anyone suck Watermelon like you do." Niall huffs, sending a shiver throughout Harry's body._

_"It was juicy and delicious." Harry pouts._

_"And I'm really happy for you babe, but can we get back to the task at hand." Niall begins to suck at Harry's skin._

_"Task? This is just a task to you? Niall Horan we are not in an among us game."_ (A/N: I know Among Us technically wasn't out at this time, but I thought it was funny, so here we are) _Niall releases Harry with a pop, and moves to look into his eyes._

_"You really just love killing the mood, don't you." Harry raises his hands in surrender._

_"I think I just don't know when to shut up." Niall nods in agreement. He goes to Harry's lips and kisses him._

_That's the moment his phone decides to go off. "Ignore it." Niall speaks against Harry's lips. They continue kissing, until it goes off again. "Ugh", Niall gets off of Harry's lap and gently throws his phone onto him. "Answer it quickly so I can go back to trying to fuck you."_

_Harry looks at his phone and sees two missed calls and 4 messages from the number that's been texting him all week. He scrolls through their previous messages and grimaces._

**_Unknown: That was one kiss Styles, wanna do it again?_ **

_Of course, Harry ignored it._

**_Unknown: You can't just ignore me Styles. I know where you live._ **

**_Harry: What do you want from me?_ **

**_Unknown: It's not what I want from you, it's more that I want to hurt Niall._ **

**_Harry: Niall? What does he have to do with this?_ **

**_Unknown: I know your secret._ **

_Harry decided to stop texting then. He didn't want to get involved in this anymore. He doesn't even understand what this person wants._

_Harry scrolls to the new texts and gulps._

**_Unknown: I know about you and Niall._ **

**_: If you want to keep your secret safe I suggest you read what I'm about to say carefully._ **

**_: Meet me at the pub you went to two nights ago. I'll be at the same spot we met in._ **

**_: And you need to come now, otherwise these photos will be sent everywhere._ **

_Harry hates this. He really hates everything about it and doesn't want to listen. But he knows Niall has been having such a hard time coming out, and he doesn't want to force him out to the world. Niall has told his friends and family, he's just too scared about what the world might think._

_"I'm sorry, I have to go." Harry says._

_"What? No. Pet, we were just getting to the good stuff." Niall pouts. Harry stands from the couch and pecks Niall's lips._

_"Liam needs me for a bit, I'll make it up to you, I promise."_

_"You better." Niall mumbles._

_"Love you." Harry calls while walking to the door._

_"I love you too."_

"And then you left and cheated on me." Niall huffs, with his arms crossed. 

"Niall, I love you," Niall flinches at those words, "but please shut the fuck up and let me finish."

"Fine." He grumbles and sits back against the headboard. 

"As I was saying," 

_Harry calls for a car and then quickly tells the driver which pub he needs to go to. He's pretty sure Cristina is the one that's been texting him. He hasn't kissed anyone other than her and Niall in years._

_He gets to the pub and sees the familiar black curls at the bar. Harry walks up and immediately sits in the stool next to her._

_"What do you want?" Harry snaps, not in the mood to deal with this. He was just about to get laid._

_"I want you and Niall to break up." Cristina says casually. If Harry had a drink, he definitely would have spit it out._

_"I mean, no we're good, thank you though." Harry turns to get off the stool but Cristina grabs his wrist._

_"Let me make myself more clear, break up with Niall, or I'll tell the whole world you're together, and then make sure you never see him again." She whispers darkly._

_"Why are you doing this?" Harry dares to ask._

_"Because you don't deserve him. Niall needs someone like me in his life, to take care of him, and to love him. You could never be that person." Harry is beyond confused._

_"You don't even know me."_

_"Yes I do. I've been watching you for months. I've been in love with Niall since the Take Me Home tour. And I'm finally taking action now." Harry shakes his head._

_"I'm not doing this. I won't break up with Niall just because you have this weird fantasy that you and him will be together." Suddenly, Harry feels something sharp touch his stomach._

_"I need to make the breakup realistic. If you don't kiss me, and until I pull away, I will stab you, and then go back to your house and have fun with my Niall. So, what's it gonna be?" Harry knows he doesn't have any other choice. He would never put Niall in danger. He hates that he has to do this, but any other way wouldn't work._

_"After we kiss, then what?"_

_"My friend will be recording, she'll post it online, then when Niall asks about it, you tell him he's right and you have been cheating on him. Simple as that." She smiles. Harry wants to wipe that smile right off her._

_"Simple as that? You just asked me to cheat on the love of my life. There is nothing simple about that." Harry growls._

_"Deal or no deal Styles."_

_"Alright Howie, deal." Cristina immediately smashes their lips together. Harry wants to pull away more than anything. These aren't Niall's lips. They aren't soft and small. She licks into his mouth and Harry wants to puke. This isn't right. He just wants to go home and explain everything. Harry feels dirty and he just wants Cristina to pull away._

_She finally pulls away and Harry feels like he can breathe again. "Now, when you get home, you have to tell Niall you cheated on him, otherwise this whole thing was for nothing."_

_"How will you know if I do it or not?" Harry asks._

_"I have my ways." She shrugs._

"You _knew_ how much this would hurt me. Harry I trusted you with everything I had and you just threw that all away!" Niall sobs. 

"I couldn't let you get hurt! I did it to protect you. How aren't you seeing that?" Harry shakes his head. 

"I would have rather been hurt, then think the love of my life didn't want me anymore. You made me feel like I wasn't good enough for anyone." Niall pulls at his hair. "Christ, you're the reason I had to go to therapy for years because I thought I was worthless." Harry's heart rips out of his chest when he hears that. 

"Ni," 

"Don't call me that!" Niall sobs harder. 

"Niall listen, I swear I didn't mean to cause you this much pain."

_After walking around the streets for a few hours, Harry finally decides to go home. He tries to delay it as long as possible because he knows the heartbreak he'll have to cause when he comes home._

_The first thing he sees on the porch is a suitcase. Then upon further inspection he sees a lot more surrounding it. 'What is my stuff doing out here?' Harry thinks to himself._

_He opens the door and immediately hears sobs and what sounds like glass breaking._

_"Niall? What the fuck are you doing?" Niall is standing in the middle of the living room with broken glass and picture frames surrounding him. He grabs another frame from the coffee table and slams it on the ground._

_"These mean nothing to you, so why would they mean anything to me?" Niall screams as he grabs yet another frame._

_"Ni, you're gonna hurt yourself, please stop." Harry begs._

_"No, you don't get to tell me what to do. Get the fuck out of my house!" Niall yells._

_"My? Niall, baby, this is our house." Harry tries to say, but gets cut off by a sob._

_"You should have thought about that before you cheated on me you asshole." Niall tries to walk forward but steps on a piece of glass._

_"Love, let's clean this up and then talk." Harry tries to calm him down._

_"Don't call me love. I want you gone. Now." Niall demands._

_"Please just let me explain."_

_"You said she kissed you! You said that she was the one that kissed you and you pushed her away! Yet, a video comes out this time, and it's the same girl Harry! And you didn't pull away._ _"Fuck." Niall grabs a frame off the end table and smashes it._

_"Niall, please stop breaking those." Harry gets choked up. He begins to cry. Niall whips his head to face Harry and lets out a bitter laugh._

_"You don't get to cry. You're the one that did this." Niall shakes his head._

_"I love you Niall, please listen to me, I do." A heartbreaking sob is heard throughout the house, it was so loud their neighbors probably heard it._

_"You cheated on me! With a girl! What did I do to you? When did you fall out of love with me?" Niall has reached his breaking point._

_"I haven't! I made a mistake, please." Niall stops listening and just shakes his head._

_"Please leave." Harry tries to protest. "Harry, get the fuck out before I call the police."_

_"I'm so sorry." Harry tries to get close to him. He just wants to touch him one last time._

_"Get away from me! Leave!"_

_"Please let's just talk." Harry begs. Niall gets out his phone and begins to call someone, Harry_ _can't see who._

_"Can you please come to my house and get Harry out?" Niall asks someone. "I'll explain later, please just come over." Niall then hangs up the phone._

_"Who was that? What's going on?" Harry questions._

_"It was Louis. He's coming to get you since you won't leave yourself." Harry shakes his head._

_"No, I won't be dragged out of here, Niall?" Harry is desperate. He knows he has to leave, he knows he's not allowed to tell Niall the truth, but he doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to leave Niall. He just wants to go back to the way things were before. But he guesses four years of bliss had to come to an end at some point._

_There is a knock on the door and then Louis is standing in the living room, looking around at the chaos. Niall's tear streaked face and broken glass. Harry's puffy red eyes and begging position._

_"_ _What's going on?" Louis asks Niall._

_"Get him out, please, take him far away from me." Niall points to Harry._

_"Niall, don't do this." It's like Niall has blocked Harry out._

_"We're done. Most of your stuff is already on the porch."_

_"No, I'm not leaving."_

_"I'm done with One Direction, I'm done dating you, and I'm done arguing about this." Niall is uneasily calm._

_Louis grabs Harry by his arm and starts pulling him out of the room. "Niall please! I'm sorry!"_

_"You wouldn't have to be sorry if you didn't cheat!" Niall screams. Harry hears a low growl from Louis and his hand tighten._

_"Let's go." Louis seethes._

"I wanted to tell you Niall. I really did. But I couldn't risk it." Niall looks displeased with Harry's comment. 

"I still can't trust you Harry." Niall sighs. "I don't even know if I can believe this."

"Can we ever get back to how we were before?" Harry meekly asks. 

"No." Niall answers straight away. Harry frowns. 

"Can we ever be friends again?" Niall shrugs. 

"I don't know." Harry breaks out into a smile. 

"That's not a no!" Harry jumps onto the bed and pulls Niall into a hug. 

"Harry?" 

"Yes?"

"It's a little too soon for this." Harry nods and reluctantly lets go. "Let's go back downstairs. The lads are probably wondering what happened to us." 

"Before we go, I have a question." Niall nods as a sign for Harry to continue. "When did you become friends with Zayn again?" 

"After the breakup, I drifted away from Louis and Liam for a bit. I didn't want anything that reminded me of you or One Direction, and surprisingly Zayn helped. I texted him one day and we caught up and have been friends since." Harry nods. 

"So are him and Louis good then?" 

"Yep, I forced them to hangout and they've been good ever since." Niall shrugs like it's no big deal. Harry frowns. 

"I wish I would have told you what happened sooner. Maybe we could have been friends years ago." Harry was not smart waiting so long. 

"I genuinely thought we would never speak to each other again, and honestly, I was okay with it. I don't think you understand how much you hurt me." Harry pats Niall's leg. 

"I'm still so sorry Niall. You didn't deserve that." 

"Well, it's over now, all we can do is move on. You just need to prove to me that you've changed and that I can forgive you." Harry completely understands that. 

"So, friends then?" Harry asks hopefully.

" _Just_ friends." Niall emphasizes. "I don't think I could give you my heart after how you treated it last time."

"Niall, it was almost six years ago. That's longer than we were even together." Niall sighs. 

"Harry, if you're not able to accept us just being friends, then please leave." Harry knows that he will take whatever Niall will give him. So he stops arguing and let's it go. He knows he doesn't deserve more than friendship, but he can't help still being in love with him, even after all these years. 

"Friends it is then. Now, I still have something I want to talk to you and the lads about, so let's head downstairs." Harry suggests. They hop off the bed and make their way down. They can hear laughter coming from the game room. Harry can't help but smile at the noise. He's missed hearing them all. 

"You guys good?" Liam asks when they walk in the room with a kind smile. 

"Getting there. I want to tell you what Harry told me, so that we are all on the same page." Niall decides. Harry lets Niall tell the story this time. Of course, they leave out the arguments and just immediately tell what happened. 

"So, you were blackmailed?" Zayn is the first to speak. 

"Yeah, her name was Cristina. Every once in a while I'll get a letter in the mail from her. It's always a warning that she still knows where I am and that the deal still needs to be kept." Harry runs his hands through his hair. "I don't know what to fucking do." 

"You should have told us sooner." Louis sighs. "If we had known. We could have done something about it." 

"I've been scared. I don't want her to come after anyone I love." Harry looks down, ashamed. Six years ago, Niall would have wrapped him in a hug and whispered in his ear that everything would be alright. But it's not six years ago. It's today. And he can't do that now. 

It's Liam who pulls Harry into a hug. "We'll figure it out." He tells him. 

"Let's just talk about something else right now. Harry, you said you had something you wanted to say?" Harry can't lie, just hearing his name off of Niall's lips is making him feel more happy than he ever had in those years they weren't together.

"I was talking with my sister earlier this week and she said I should do something to help the fans feel better. 2020 was absolute shit, and they need a major pick me up. At first, I was just gonna release a single and boom done. But then I got thinking and was hoping you guys would help me with this." Harry trails off. 

"Well say it you big oaf." Louis demands. 

"I was thinking maybe we should do a One Direction reunion tour." Harry says the last part quietly.

"Harry, I don't know if that's a good idea." Louis says. 

"Why not? I've barely spoken to all of you for years, I think it's a perfect time to catch up and remind ourselves of the good old days." Harry defends. 

"I left One Direction for a reason." Niall mutters. 

"And you've released two amazing solo albums and you toured one of them." Niall smirks. 

"Keeping tabs on me Styles." Harry blushes. 

"Maybe." Liam scoffs. 

"He doesn't stop asking about you." Liam cuts in. Niall looks at Harry with a teasing smile. 

"Oh really?" 

"Can we just talk about what I said? I think it would be fun to do this." Harry looks around the room. Louis and Liam are smiling. Niall looks a bit hesitant.

"Zayn, mate, I know you're not technically a part of One Direction and if you don't want to do this, I completely understand and you don't have to." Harry would totally understand if Zayn said no. He left for a reason and would not expect him to drop everything to come back. 

"I love you guys, and I'm so happy we're mates again, but, One Direction is just so past me now. Plus, I have my baby girl to take care of." Of course it hurts to hear him say that. But Harry nods and puts on a smile. 

"That's fine. I get it. Let's just not lose touch again, okay?" Harry holds out his hand to shake. Zayn takes his hand and pulls him into a hug. 

"I won't let it happen. Let me give you my new number." They exchange numbers and then Harry looks back to the group. 

"I'm in." Liam smiles. Harry and Liam already talked about this, so he knew he would be in.

"Louis?" Harry addresses him. 

"I want to do this, but if I hear one fucking larry thing, I'm immediately shutting it down. I'm not going through what we did last time." It was tough when they were in the band. Everything they did was somehow related to larry. That was one of the reasons Niall was so scared to come out. He didn't want the death threats that he knew he would receive. 

It was sometimes hard for Niall and Harry. Larries would take anything they said or did and twist it to fit this fake narrative they created. Niall had always trusted Harry, but it was scary how realistic some of the manips were. 

It also took a big strain on Louis and Harry's friendship. They couldn't do anything together. Harry would just look at Louis and all of a sudden they were in love and married. 

"That's fine by me. I always love denying fake rumors." Harry shrugs. "Niall?" Harry looks to Niall and sees he has a small frown on his lips. 

"I'm the one that suggested hiatus." Is what he says. 

"But you're also the one that told me it wasn't permanent." Harry replies.

"I'm not doing this for you." Niall clarifies. "I've missed performing with you all. That's it." Harry beams. 

"This is going to be amazing!" 

~~

Of course with a new tour, you have to promote it and do press. The announcement gained more attention then they could have ever hoped for. They all posted on their twitter and three hours apart. Harry started off the chain. 

**@Harry_Styles: We're**

That hit trending pretty quickly. It was like Do all over again. People wanted to know what I meant. Next, Niall went to twitter. 

**@NiallOfficial: going**

The world was still confused. Some people had a direction they were hoping this would go. Louis tweeted next. 

**@Louis_Tomlinson: on**

Liam was the one to finish the sentence.

**@LiamPayne: tour!**

Twitter went into a frenzy. Everyone was going crazy and asking about tour details and where they're going. 

"This is insane." Louis is giddy. They're hanging out at Niall's house. Apparently he never moved out from the house they shared. Harry looks around and smiles at the memories. A frown forms when he looks at the coffee table and remembers the disaster that happened right there. 

"Everyone is so excited." Liam adds. Niall bumps Harry's shoulder.

"This was your idea. Why aren't you more excited?" Niall asks, concerned.

"I didn't know you still lived here." Harry says. Niall lets out a small, "oh." 

They sit in silence for a second before Niall speaks up, "Well we bought it, and I wasn't about to let it go to waste because you didn't live here anymore." 

"I get that. Sitting here brings back so many memories." The couch and table are different. The decorations are altered. The picture frames are replaced with people he doesn't know. Harry realizes he doesn't know Niall like he used to. He was able to read him like the back of his hand. He could always tell how he felt and what he was thinking. Now, it's like they're strangers and Harry doesn't like that one bit. 

"We're gonna have to do talk shows again." Liam interrupts. "When they ask what happened, are we gonna tell them?" 

"I wanted a hiatus before Harry and I even broke up, so the real reason is because we wanted to discover our sound, solo." Niall says. 

"Are we gonna tell them about you two at all?" Louis asks. 

"That's totally Niall's choice." Harry raises his hands.

"I wouldn't do anything that would make Niall uncomfortable." 

"What would be the point of telling people? I don't think it's their business." Niall huffs. 

"Management actually wanted me to suggest something to you guys." Liam laughs. 

"What's up?" 

"They wanted to know if we wanted to do a little film thing while on tour." Liam says. 

"Like a documentary?" Louis questions. Harry isn't sure if he thinks that's a good idea or not. Niall and Louis are still not the most fond of Harry and he's not sure how that would transfer over in film. He looks next to him and Niall looks excited.

"That would be so fun! Like a reunion film. We could start soon and then continue on tour. We can show the whole process and everything. Oh and it can be like reality shows where they do little interviews. Let's do it, please." Niall starts doing little jumps in his seat. It's weird for Harry to see brunette Niall doing these things. Of course he's seen paparazzi photos of Niall and his brunette hair, but it still feels crazy to see it in person. The last time they saw each other in person he was all blonde.

"Alright, I'm in." Harry says with a smile. He knew the minute Niall started jumping he wouldn't be able to say no. 

"I guess I'm in." Louis shrugs.

"Fantastic. I'll let them know." 

**On camera:**

**"I don't know how to do this?" Niall laughs looking behind the camera at the people setting up.**

**"We're just gonna ask you a few questions and you answer however you want." The interviewer, Jackie, says to Niall.**

**"Okay, I'm ready." Niall gives her a firm nod.**

**She makes sure the camera is on and sits next to it. She's not seen, but you can hear her voice.**

**"Who gave the idea to go on hiatus?" Jackie asks.**

**"I did." Niall answers.**

**The camera switches to a new shot. Louis' now sitting on the couch.**

**"I'm pretty sure it was Niall, yeah."**

**"Do you know why he wanted to go on hiatus?" She asks.**

**"He wanted to explore himself solo, which we could all understand." Louis explains.**

**There is a new shot, it's Liam sitting on the couch now. He has a big smile, ready for all the questions asked.**

**"Were you all okay with the hiatus?" Jackie questions.**

**"I think Harry was the one that took it the hardest. He's not the best with change, and Niall wanted to switch up everything." Liam says honestly.**

**Now Harry is on screen. He seems more nervous than the rest. His body is a little hunched. He knows Niall will make fun of his posture when they're done here.**

**"So, you didn't take Niall wanting a hiatus well?" Harry's eyes widened. Not expecting her to ask such a question so quickly.**

**"I loved One Direction with everything I had. Of course, while solo I had the time of my life. And I'm super proud of all my work. Now, thinking back, going solo was probably the best thing for us. We all had music that was too personal for the band that we wanted to sing. I'm proud of what all of us have accomplished. At the time though, it was like Niall** **suggested the worst thing possible.** **When he said those words it's like he took my world and crushed it. My insecurities popped up and everything just felt personal at the time." Harry confesses. Harry guesses now is a better time than ever to announce that Niall and him used to date.** **Niall did give his consent to tell the cameras. He wanted one hundred percent honesty on this documentary. They all wanted everyone to know what happened. "I thought he was doing it because I wasn't enough for him."**

**"Why would you think that?" Jackie asks.**

**"When your boyfriend says he wants to leave the band you're in together, it's hard not to think it's because of you." He hears the room erupt into gasps.**

**"You and Niall are together?" Niall is blushing behind the camera. Louis' hand is on his shoulder.**

**"Um, no, we um broke up." Harry plays with his fingers.**

**"When?"**

**"In 2015. It was the deciding factor of why the band went on hiatus." Harry admits honestly.**

"Are you excited?" Niall asks with a wide smile. 

"I can't believe we're actually doing this. It feels like a dream." Louis is bouncing up and down next to Liam. 

"We're gonna do great. I can feel it." Harry says. He wraps his arm around Niall's shoulder, not thinking about it. Niall's frame freezes. Harry quickly removes himself and apologies.

"It's okay. Habit." Niall shrugs. 

"Habit? You haven't been together for six years." Louis snorts. Niall smacks Louis on the back of the head. 

"Bring it in." Liam pulls everyone into a group hug. They part and put their hands in the middle of them. "We got this. Everyone take deep breaths and relax." 

"Thanks daddy Payne." Niall smiles sweetly. Liam rolls his eyes. Harry can't help but feel super anxious about this. He hasn't performed with all of them in forever. He hopes they still have the same chemistry that they did before. 

**On camera:**

**"Are you nervous?" Jackie asks the whole group.**

**"Nope, I think we're gonna do perfect." Liam says to the camera.**

**"It's gonna be fine." Niall whispers into Harry's ear. Harry jumps a bit, not expecting that.**

**"I'm just worried it's not gonna be the same." Harry whispers honestly. They try to keep everything out of ear reach for the camera, but they forgot about their mics.**

**"Of course it's not gonna be the same." Niall whispers back. "We're older now Harry. Things have changed. But we're gonna figure out what we're all like now and we're gonna do amazing."**

**"I just don't want it to be too different." Harry admits.**

**"H, look at us. You're in a sparkly suit. Liam is in baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt. Louis is in jeans and a t-shirt. And I'm wearing dress pants and a button up. We're very different. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that." Harry smiles, Niall is always able to make him feel better. Harry grabs the sides of Niall's shirt.**

**"You're trying to be 2015 me, unbuttoning most of the buttons. I can see your chest hair** **Mr. Horan." Harry grabs a strand and pulls.**

**"Ouch." Niall yelps, smacking Harry's hand away.**

**"Oi! Niall! Harry! Stop flirting and pay attention to Jackie!" Louis yells to them. The pair blush and look back to the camera.**

**"We weren't flirting." Niall mumbles.**

**"And Freddie isn't my son." Louis scoffs and rolls his eyes.**

**"You caught that all on camera, right?" Jackie asks the camera guy. He nods and she smiles. "Perfect."**

The beginning beat of Midnight Memories plays and Harry gets ready. He takes a deep breath and then starts to sing, "Straight off the plane to a new hotel." 

The concert is going great. The crowd is amazing and the band is amazing. All of the boys are doing amazing. They sang some solo songs along with One Direction ones. 

Throughout the entire night though, Harry can't stop gravitating towards Niall. It's like Niall has this pull on him. More often than not, Harry would find himself next to him. He would do their iconic Mick Jagger dance. 

Niall had a guitar, obviously, and Harry even grinded on that. They used to do this all the time on tour, the only difference was, they were together then. They're not now, and Harry doesn't know if any of this is okay, but Niall hasn't told him to stop, so he hasn't. 

The concert continues to be amazing the entire night. The band comes off the stage with a high. They're all jumping around and laughing. 

"That was fucking amazing!" Louis screams, pulling them all into a hug. 

"We did that!" Liam says. They can still hear the screams of the crowd. 

"This tour is going to be amazing." Niall gushes. 

"I'm so fucking happy we did this." Harry doesn't want this feeling to ever go away. It's like he's on cloud 9. 

"Are we going out or staying in?" Louis asks the group. 

"Let's just let it be us four. We can get fucked up in someone's hotel room." Niall suggests. 

"Sounds brilliant." They grab their bags from the dressing rooms and head to the hotel lobby to get their keys. They reach the front desk and the lady asks for their names. 

"I'm sorry Mr. Styles, but it appears your room was double booked and the other person got here first." Harry's eyes widened. 

"Are you kidding me?" Harry scoffs. "Well, what rooms do you have available?" Harry asks. 

"Because of the concert that was tonight, there are no other rooms available." Harry takes deep breaths and tries to stay calm. Of course this would happen to him. 

"You can stay with me." Niall speaks up. "It's only for a night, I think we'll be okay." 

"Are you sure? I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Nail waves Harry off. 

"It's fine. Come on. Let's freshen up and then we can have a good time with the lads." They all agree to meet back up in an hour. Liam grabs Harry before he leaves. 

"If you need to come to my room at any time, please do." Harry hugs Liam quickly.

"Thank you." Harry runs off where Niall went to. Louis and Liam's rooms are on the complete other side of Niall's. 

"This feels like a badly written Wattpad book." Niall says on the elevator.

"What do you mean?" Harry chuckles. 

"There is only going to be one bed. We'll argue for a few minutes about who will sleep on the couch and then agree that we can both share the bed. We'll go to sleep on opposite sides, but wake up tangled together." Niall explains. Harry giggles and Niall can't help but smile fondly at him. 

"Have you read a lot of Wattpad books then?" Harry can't help but ask. 

"Maybe I got a bit curious when we were together." Harry gasps. They get out of the elevator and start walking to the end of the hallway, where their room was located.

"Tell me more." Harry demands.

"Well, I had always heard about Wattpad, but I never knew what it was. So one day I downloaded the app and made a fake account. I just looked on the narry tag, and man did they have some weird stuff on there." Niall chuckles swiping the card and letting us in the room. 

"Like what? Ni, you're not good at giving details." Harry didn't mean to say Ni, it just slipped out. But Niall didn't comment on it, so Harry thinks it's okay. Harry drops his bags on the ground and stands in front of the dresser in the room. 

"You were a cat in one." Niall giggles. "And somehow we still fell in love." 

"A cat!" Harry laughs. 

"Yep. There was also the basic, bully homophobic popular kid and bullied gay guy." Niall rolls his eyes. "Those ones are stupid." 

"How many did you read?" Harry gasps. 

"Like four or five." Harry bursts out into laughter. "Hey, don't make fun of me." Niall hits Harry's shoulder. "I'll have you know, some of them get pretty interesting." 

"Like the cat one." Harry bites his lip to stop himself from smiling. 

"It might have been a weird storyline, but the writing was good!" Niall defends himself. Harry grabs Niall's hips and pulls him closer. 

He jokingly leans down and bites at Niall's earlobe, "Meow." He whispers into Niall's ear. Niall pushes Harry off and scowls. 

"You're an idiot." He huffs. 

"What cats don't do it for you?" Harry says with faux seriousness. 

"Go shower. Louis and Liam will be here soon." Niall says, walking away from Harry. 

"Are you saying I stink?" Harry pouts. 

"Yep." Niall smiles. Harry rolls his eyes but does go to the bathroom.

**_Niall's POV_ **

When Harry leaves the room, it's like Niall can finally breathe again. He's been trying so hard to act like everything is okay, but he's falling apart. He's supposed to hate Harry. He's supposed to never want to speak to him again. He's supposed to not still be in love with him. 

When he was with Amelia, he was okay for a while. Niall thought he finally got over Harry and everything was fine. Amelia saw through that though. "You don't leave a picture of your ex on your night stand if you don't still love him." She said to Niall on the night they broke up. 

He was hurt. He felt heartbroken. It wasn't as bad as when he made Harry leave, but it felt pretty fucking horrible. Niall truly loved her. He did. He might have still had feelings for Harry, but that was only because it's _Harry_. They had been together for four years. Niall thought he was going to marry that man. 

Amelia made him happy, but Harry made him feel alive. And here Niall is now, on tour with the man he promised himself he wouldn't talk to again. He doesn't know how to feel about him now. Harry said he was blackmailed. Does Niall believe it? He's not sure. It would honestly make more sense than Harry cheating. Niall never had trust issues with him before. 

He's just so angry that it took him this long to tell him the truth. Niall was angry at Harry for so long and now here they are, practically back to best mates. It's all terribly confusing. 

Niall doesn't want to have feelings for Harry again, as if they ever went away, Niall scoffs at himself. He can't. It could have been blackmail, but he still lied about it, for years. Niall can't just look past that. 

Harry steps out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel on. Niall gulps and looks away. This can't be happening.

"Left my clothes out here." How is his voice so damn sexy? Niall gives him a tight nod. "Do you mind if I…" He trails off. Niall is confused.

"Oh!" Realization hits him. "You can change wherever you want. Nothing I have seen before." He tries to joke. 

"Cool." Harry says. Niall hears the towel drop to the floor. 

"You know what, I'm gonna call someone in the hall. I'll be back." Niall grabs his phone and rushes out of the room. As soon as the door is closed, he leans against the wall and takes deep breaths.

"Fuck." He may be overreacting, but is he really? Harry, fucking Harry, was just naked in his room and there is nothing he could have done. 

He needs to call someone who he knows would make him feel better in this situation. He pulls out his phone and listens as it rings. 

"Hello?" The person answers. 

"Lewis," Niall sighs. "I need your help." 

"What's wrong babe?" Lewis asks. 

"It's Harry." Niall whines. "He was in my hotel room, fresh from the shower, in nothing but a towel." 

"What did you do Niall James Horan?" Lewis says like a dad. 

"Nothing! I ran out into the hall. Lew, you didn't see him. He looked like a god." Niall replays the image in his head. 

"A god that broke your heart. Honestly Niall, stop sounding like a horny teenager and get it together." 

"I can't. I'm gonna go back in there and Harry is still gonna be all wet and beautiful. Have you seen his short hair? I've always preferred the long hair me self but now I don't know. The short hair looks good on him. And he has this curl that always lands on his forehead and I just want to lightly brush it off while staring into his eyes and lean up and kiss him." Niall is full on pacing in the middle of the hallway. Niall hears movement from the hallway right next to him. He peeks his head out and sees a camera guy there with a sheepish smile. "Fuck, I gotta go." Niall hangs up on Capaldi.

"Were you recording that?" Niall yelps. Fuck no, that is not going in the damn documentary. 

"I was told to film everything I can." He shrugs and starts to walk away. 

"Don't you dare put that in the fucking movie." Niall growls. 

"I'm sorry Mr. Horan, but you signed a contract saying we can film you whenever." The man turns down another hallway and Niall stands there shocked. When Harry sees that, it's going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life. 

He goes back to his room and sees Harry just chilling on the bed in only his pants . "Everything okay?" Harry asks. 

"Yeah, just telling Lewis hi." Niall tries to look anywhere but Harry. "Are you going to put clothes on or?" Harry smiles and shakes his head. 

"Nope, Louis had to cancel because Freddie wanted to facetime." Niall nods in understanding. "And Liam is a newlywed and is talking to Maya. He said they're probably going to be on the phone late, so start the party without him." Niall chuckles. 

"The party? As in the two of us sitting on this bed and watching reruns of Friends." Harry gives a dopey smile. 

"In my opinion, that's a party." 

"I'm gonna go shower, and then we can party." Niall wiggles his eyebrows. Niall takes a quick shower wanting to be as fast as possible. He's actually super excited it's just going to be him and Harry. It will be like the good old days. Of course, they won't end the way they used to. 

Well, it could… No, it can not. Niall shakes his head. He needs to get rid of those thoughts. Harry and him are just friends. That's it. It was his fucking idea to just be friends. He needs to stick to that. He can't trust Harry yet, and doing anything with him, would just confuse things. 

Niall decides to chill in his pants too. He leaves the bathroom and Harry is surrounded by alcohol and snacks on the bed. 

"I thought we could make it a real party." He holds up some tequila. "Let's get drunk." 

After five beers, seven shots, and thousands of calories, Niall and Harry sit on the bed laughing at nothing. "You should have seen your face." Harry bursts out into more laughter. Niall joins in, even though he has no clue what he did. 

They settle down and both lean against the headboard. "I've missed you." Niall says quietly.

"Really?" Harry stares off to the space in front of them. 

"It's been a long six years without you. I don't want to do it ever again." Niall blames this honesty on the alcohol, but really he's been wanting to say this for a while. 

"Can I ask why you've been so mad at me? I know I lied, but there has to be another reason why you're so angry." Niall sighs. He's debating whether to actually tell the truth or not. 

"I had a ring." He hears Harry gasp beside him. "I was planning on proposing. Then all the shit went down and it wrecked me even more. I thought we were gonna get married and adopt a bunch of children and live on a farm. I didn't expect my entire life to come crumbling down before it really started." Niall is close to tears. This was always a sore spot for him. 

"You had a ring?" Niall can tell Harry is choked up. He makes the mistake of looking over at him and he can see the unshed tears in Harry's eyes. "God, I fucked everything up." Harry puts his head in his hands and groans. "I would have said yes. I wouldn't have even had to think about it, my answer would immediately be yes. I wish I could just go back in time and tell you the truth. I wish I never went to that fucking bar and that I just stayed in bed with you. I wish I didn't fucking lie about what happened." 

"But you can't. And you did." Niall whispers. 

"I'm still in lo-" Niall cuts Harry off before he can continue.

"Please Harry, don't." Niall shakes his head. "I can't hear you say that, because if I do I won't be able to walk away and I need to. I can't go back down that road with you." 

"Why not?" Harry asks, turning to face Niall. Niall does the same. They sit criss cross facing each other in the middle of the bed. 

"I-I, I can't trust you." Harry frowns. 

"Bullshit." Harry scoffs.

"Excuse me?" Niall crosses his arms. 

"It's not because you don't trust me, it's because you're scared." Niall scrambles off the bed, red in the face. 

"How dare you tell me how I feel? You have no idea what I think." Niall yells. 

"I've known you for eleven years, I've gotten a pretty good idea." Harry follows Niall off the bed. 

"You weren't in my life for six of them!" Harry visibly flinches at those words. 

"I thought I was protecting you!" Niall wouldn't be surprised if they get a noise complaint. 

"I didn't need protecting, I only needed you!" Niall screams. He swears he could explode right now. 

"Niall I thought she would hurt you if I told you the truth. I had every right to keep that from you!" Harry defends himself. 

"If it involves me, then I have every right to fucking know!" Niall growls. He's getting angrier than he should. 

"You couldn't possibly understand, if you did, you wouldn't hold this against me." Harry rolls his eyes. 

"Harry, you're the reason my last two relationships ended!" Niall screams, losing all patience.

"How the fuck did I do that?" Harry crosses his arms over his chest. 

"Because you made me have trust issues! You made me think everyone I dated was going to cheat on me! You made me feel like I wasn't good enough, so I stopped fucking trying. You ruined me for everyone else by making me still love you even after all the shit you put me through!" Niall is panting at the end of his speech. He stands in the middle of the hotel room, out of breath. 

He doesn't know how it happened, or who made the first move, but all he can feel is Harry's lips on his. They're hungry and desperate. Niall gasps and Harry takes that opportunity to tangle his tongue with Niall's. He wraps his arms around Harry's neck and pulls him closer. 

It's been six years since he has last felt these beautiful lips. Since he has last felt this alive. He takes every moment to memorize this feeling. He doesn't know what will happen when this night is over, but he does know he doesn't want to stop.

Niall starts walking towards the bed and Harry follows. It's very convenient that they're both only wearing pants . Harry lies down first and Niall climbs on top of him. "We shouldn't do this." Niall says against Harry's lips. 

"Shhh, less talking, more kissing." Harry grabs the back of Niall's head and pushes him to connect their lips. 

Niall moans into the kiss, and all thoughts about stopping leave his brain. "This doesn't change anything." Niall pants. Harry's lips leave his and trail down Niall's neck. 

"Shut up and let me fuck you." Niall moans and nods rapidly. 

Harry's hand disappears into Niall's pants. He starts pumping slowly and Niall lets out a quiet groan. "Fuck, I forgot how good your hands are." 

"I'm taking these off." Harry's voice is dominating, and Niall didn't think it was possible, but he gets even more turned on. 

"Literally, do whatever you want to me." Harry slides off Niall's pants. Niall does the same to Harry, leaving them both bare. Their leaking members brush against each other, and the pair whimper at the feeling. 

"Do you have anything?" Harry asks while still working Niall's cock. 

"In my bag." Niall answers. Harry lets go of him, and Niall whines at the loss of contact. He scurries across the room to his toiletry bag. He finds a condom and lube and wants to jump for joy. He comes back to the bed, but this time lies next to Harry. He gets the hint and covers Niall's body with his own. 

"You're prepared." Harry snorts. 

"You never know." Niall shrugs with a sheepish smile. He hands Harry the supplies, and then captures his lips again. Niall pushes his tongue into Harry's mouth. 

Harry fumbles around with the lube. Niall can hear it opening and then getting squeezed onto Harry's fingers. It's been a long time since Niall has had sex with a man, and he can't help but be a little nervous. Harry seems to have sensed his anxiety, because the kissing turns more soft and passionate. He becomes more gentle. 

"I'm gonna start slow, okay?" Harry says to him. Niall nods and gets ready for the first finger. Harry gently rubs at his rim, before slowly pushing his finger in. Niall squeezes his eyes closed. "Breathe baby," Harry kisses down Niall's neck. "You need to relax." Niall takes deep breaths and wills his body to calm down. He focuses on Harry's lips and the sound of his voice. He feels his body finally relax, and then a moment later, Harry's whole finger is in him. He starts pumping slowly, and continues to kiss Niall all over. "Are you ready for another?" Niall weakly nods. 

Harry adds a second finger, and Niall immediately lets out a loud moan. Harry slides the fingers in and out, but the pace is too slow for Niall, so he begins to grind down on his fingers. "Harry, please." Niall whimpers. 

"Just a little longer love." Harry speaks soothingly in Niall's ear. Harry adds a third finger, making Niall gasp. Harry speeds up his pace and starts scissoring his fingers, after a few more moments, Harry decides he's ready. He removes his fingers and wipes them on the bed. Niall whimpers at the feeling of emptiness. Harry rips open the condom and slides it onto himself. 

"Are you ready?" He asks, then gently pecks Niall's lips. 

"Yes, please." Niall groans. Harry chuckles and lines himself up with Niall's hole. 

"You're so impatient." He teases his tip in.

"Harry, stop teasing." Niall whines. Harry gives in and slowly slides himself all the way in. Niall feels a bit of pain at first, but as Harry starts moving it fades away and all he feels is _HarryHarryHarry._ Niall moans at the feeling of Harry thrusting in and out. Harry starts to go faster and Niall wraps his legs around Harry's waist to get a better angle. He groans at the feeling. He feels so full. So full of Harry. He could die right now and be happy. He feels so good. Harry has a deep thrust and hits Niall's prostate. He grips onto Harry's shoulders. Harry grabs his hands and pulls them over his head. He keeps them connected. 

"Fuck Harry, harder." Harry connects their lips, thrusting his hips at the same time to fuck him deep. The headboard hits against the wall, but Niall feels too much pleasure to care about the neighbors. 

Niall is close. He can feel it. Harry slides his hand down Niall's body to his neglected cock. He begins pumping it at the same time of his thrusts. Niall breaks the kiss when a particularly loud moan racks through him. 

Harry can tell Niall is close as he begins to fuck and stroke him faster. Harry's finger brushes the tip of Niall, and that sends him over the edge. Niall's mouth falls open as he comes hard. His breathing turned erratic. The sight is enough to send Harry over the edge. Even though there is a condom, the feeling of Harry coming is one Niall would never forget. 

Harry gently pulls out, ties the condom, and throws it out. He comes back to the bed with a warm wet towel and cleans off Niall's stomach. "We should talk about this." Niall mumbles into the bed. 

"We will tomorrow baby, for now, let's sleep." Niall pulls Harry's back into his chest. And snuggles as close as he can to him. "Goodnight Niall." Harry whispers into the dark. 

"Goodnight Hazza." And if Niall goes to sleep with a small smile on his face, well that's nobody's business but his. 

~~~

"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck." Niall scrambles around the hotel room trying to get his stuff together. He tries to stay as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake Harry. He's such an idiot. He fucked up big time. Niall finally gets his bags together and rushes out of the room. 

He goes straight to Louis' room and starts pounding on the door. "Get the fuck up Tomlinson!" Niall screams at the door. A disheveled Louis opens the door. 

"What do you want?" He growls. 

"I fucked up." Niall's voice cracks. Louis' eyes soften and he opens the door fully so Niall can walk in. Niall enters the room and Louis closes the door and then immediately pulls Niall into a hug. 

"What happened?" Louis rubs Niall's back. 

"I had sex with Harry." Niall says, ashamed. 

"Why is that a bad thing?" Louis scoffs. 

"Because I still love him. And I can't. He broke me, and I still haven't forgiven him." Niall sits down onto Louis' bed with a big sigh. 

"Niall, will you ever be able to?" Louis asks honestly. 

"He lied to me." He wants to forgive Harry more than anything. It's just a matter of time. 

"He didn't lie, he just didn't tell you the whole truth." Niall scoffs. 

"Louis, it might not have been as bad as I originally thought, but I'm still hurt he didn't tell me the truth. He let us waste years, Lou." Niall plays with his fingers. He doesn't want to talk about this anymore. He's pissed at himself for giving into his desires. He should have fought harder and just went to sleep. 

"We have an interview for the documentary before the show tonight. You'll have to talk about what happened soon." Louis reminds him. 

"Can we move on from this topic please? Distract me." Niall requests. The pair play on Louis' play station until Paul rounds them up to get into the car. Niall sees Harry in the lobby and tries to hide behind Louis. 

"You have to face the music at some point." Louis whispers to Niall. 

"Well, I'm good right no-"

"Niall!" Harry calls over. Niall curses to himself and stands in front of Louis. 

"You got this." He pats Niall on the shoulder and then goes over to Liam. 

"Hey, what happened this morning? You left before we could even talk." Harry tilts his head to the side, and Niall can't help but think how adorable Harry looks. 

"Sorry, Louis wanted me so I went over to his room for a bit." Harry let out a breath of relief. 

"Oh good. I thought you were avoiding me." Harry looks so happy to hear that lie, so Niall decides to never tell him the truth. 

"Of course not. Listen, I'm gonna go back over to Louis. I'll see you later." Niall rushes off without waiting for a reply from Harry. 

"How did it go?" Louis wraps a shoulder around Niall and whispers in his ear. 

"I lied and said I wasn't avoiding him. I just don't want to talk about what happened because he's going to make it a much bigger deal than it is." Louis shakes his head at Niall. 

"It is a big deal mate." Niall can deny the truth all he wants, but deep down he knows that Louis is right. 

~~

As Niall stared out of the window, looking around at the clouds, he couldn't help but think of the first tour the boys ever did, and how that changed everything for him. 

_Flashback:_

_Watford England is where the plane was heading to. The boys were jumping in their seats with nerves. They weren't sure how this would turn out. Everything was still so new to them._ _Niall and Harry sat next to each other. Harry's sweaty hand tightly clutching Niall's. Niall didn't mind the sweat, he was probably clammy himself._

_"Are you scared Niall?" Harry asked in his slow drawl._

_"I'm not scared, I'm just nervous." Niall huffed. He knew he was the least favorite. He was just scared about how he was going to be treated now._

_"You have no reason to be nervous. You'll do amazing." Harry tried to make Niall feel better. It didn't work._

_"Easy for you to say." Niall rolled his eyes._

_"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry asked, offended._

_"Hazza, you're like the face of One Direction. Everyone loves you. You and Liam are flooding with solos. I have two minutes worth of them." Niall shook his head. He was used to this by now._ _After XFactor, he knew he wouldn't be singing much._

_"But you do amazing in those two minutes." Harry tried to joke. Niall took his head out of Harry's and turned away from him._

_"Thanks." He mumbled._

_This wasn't Niall's dream. He wanted to be big and sell out shows. Sure, One Direction did that. But he didn't. He thought nobody came to the show for him. They went for the other four amazingly talented members. He didn't think he was anything compared to them._

_"Ni, what's wrong?" Harry tapped Niall's shoulder, trying to get his attention._

_"Please leave me alone." Niall sniffled. He could feel the tears running down his face. He didn't want Harry to see him like that. Harry took Niall's face in his hands, and made him face him._

_"Why are you crying?" Harry wiped away his tears._

_"Because I'm not loved like you and the rest of them are. I remember XFactor. Nobody is here to see me. They're all for you." Harry shook his head._

_"Why don't we go to the bathroom and wipe these tears, yeah?" Harry took Niall's hands and led them over to the bathroom. Louis stepped out when Niall and Harry knocked on the door._

_"I'd give that a minute." He patted Harry's shoulder and walked away. Harry rolled his eyes and pulled Niall in with him. He knew Louis was just taking the piss outta them._

_"Niall James Horan," Harry started, Niall thought he sounded like his Ma. "I don't ever want you to say those words again. Out loud or in your head. You are so loved and I know millions of people that would drop everything to see you. You are amazing and kind. Your voice is perfect and you hold this whole band together." Niall wanted to believe Harry more than anything, but it was so hard._

_"I appreciate you saying this, but-" Harry cut him off._

_"No buts. I'm not gonna let you talk down about yourself. You deserve to hear nothing but good things about you." Niall's face flushed a hot pink. He's always had a soft spot for Harry, and hearing him say all of this made him blush._

_"Why are you saying all this? You can't possibly believe it." Niall replied with what he's thinking. He looked down and played with his fingers. Harry grabbed Niall's hands. That made him look up. Harry gulped and leaned in, he pecked Niall's lips once and then backed away._

_Niall stood there frozen. He had never been kissed by a boy before. The feelings Niall had been feeling towards Harry for months, finally started to make sense. He always got butterflies when Harry looked at him a certain way. He felt safe every time Harry was with him. How he cared about him a little more than the other boys. He didn't just like Harry as a friend. The feelings always crossed that line into something else._

_"Did you just kiss me?" Niall whispered._

_"I-I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Please don't tell anyone." Harry pleaded._

_"I won't, on one condition." Niall decided to be bold. He wasn't afraid of his feelings. He should have known they were stronger than friendship._

_"What?" Harry timidly asked._

_"Kiss me again." Harry's eyes widened for a second, but then he smiled and his dimples popped out._

_Harry took Niall's face in his hands and kissed him lightly. They both weren't experts or anything, and they didn't want to mess it up, so it was only a short kiss._

_"We have a concert to get ready for." Harry reminded with a smile. Niall was suddenly feeling a lot better about everything._

Niall smiles fondly at the memory. He was so nervous for their concert and Harry made him feel so much better. He sometimes wished things could do back to how they were before, but he would never want to take back his solo career. He's more proud of that, than anything. 

"You okay?" Liam asks quietly next to him. Niall weakly nods, even though he knows it's not the truth. "Harry told me what happened." Liam admits. 

"Li, I don't know what to do." Niall was always able to open up with Liam more than Louis. Louis was a good listener and all, but Liam had better advice and stayed more serious. 

"Do you still love him?" He asks. 

"Yes." Niall replies honestly.

"Do you want to be with him?" Liam questions. Niall thinks about the question. Does he still want to be with Harry? He's not too sure. Niall feels like he's moved past that life, but he doesn't want to move on from Harry. Harry was the best thing that's ever happened to him. 

"I don't know. I still feel hurt by his actions. And I don't know if I can trust him." Is that true? Does Niall not trust Harry? 

"Do you not trust him? Or are you scared?" Liam asks. 

"I'm scared." Niall realizes. "I can't go through that heartbreak again Liam. It almost destroyed me." Niall thinks about what happened six years ago. He couldn't sleep or eat. He felt empty. For a very long time, nothing could fill that void. 

"Have you ever thought about the good? What it would be like to have Harry back. Stop thinking about all the negatives and just take a fucking risk." Liam advises. 

**On camera:**

**It zooms in on Harry and Niall on a couch. They make sure to keep their distance. Niall is still trying to avoid Harry.**

**"So, you two used to date?" Jackie asks.**

**"Yep." Harry nods, playing with his fingers.**

**"For how long?" She questions.**

**"About four years." Harry answers.**

**"Why did you break up?" She inquires. Harry looks at Niall, wanting him to say something, anything.**

**"I made a huge mistake, and hurt him." Harry tells the truth. He doesn't want to say the whole story, the world doesn't need to know about all of it.**

**"Have you guys been friends all these years? Or have you not talked at all." Again, Niall sits in silence. He doesn't want to be doing this to begin with.**

**"Are you going to say something?" Harry asks, frustrated. He moves slightly on the couch, so he's facing Niall. Niall turns his body away.**

**"I have nothing to say." He mumbles. He doesn't want to do this now, not with the camera rolling.**

**"Well, I'm not the only one in this interview so answer some fucking questions please." Harry raises his voice. He doesn't know what's making him so mad.**

**"Don't yell at me. I just don't want to talk about our relationship." Niall shrugs.**

**"Yeah, you never do." Harry says softly.**

**"If this is about the other night…" Niall trails off.**

**"You have barely talked to me since then. You wouldn't even stand by me on stage." Harry's voice cracks. Niall can tell Harry is getting worked up, and he doesn't know how to calm him down like he used to.**

**"I told you before it happened, that it changed nothing." Niall tries to reason.**

**"Niall you know I would do anything to even have a little bit of you." They completely** **forget about the camera. Not even realizing they're still on.**

**"Are you saying I took advantage of you?" Niall scoffs.**

**"A little. You were horny, I was there. Simple as that." Harry shrugs. Niall shakes his head.**

**"No, no, I won't let you think that. We were arguing and you kissed me. I didn't make the first move." Niall is over this conversation. He just wants to go back to his room.**

**"No I didn't. You did." Harry replies. Niall rolls his eyes.**

**"Okay Harry."**

**"You know what, whatever. I'm done trying. I thought we could be friends, but it seems you're going to hold everything I ever did over my head forever. It's not fair. You act like you're some fucking saint. We all have flaws Niall. How about you start owning up to your shit as well?" Harry snaps. Niall looks at him stunned.**

**"What are you talking about?" Niall demands to hear an explanation.**

**"You didn't even let me explain what happened! You kicked me out, knowing I had nowhere to go. It was cold outside. You turned most of our friends against me. You made me out to be some villain. If you would have just let me explain that night, then everything would have been different. You blocked my number after that and you wouldn't let me see you. You're too fucking stubborn for your own good and you need to realize that because I'm sick and tired of taking all the blame." Harry finally says what he's been holding back since he first saw Niall.**

**"I thought you cheated on me! What was I supposed to do? I thought you wanted to be with someone else. I was doing the best I could to salvage the broken pieces that you made. I'm not the one that broke us up, you are!" Niall stands from the couch, pushing his fingers through his hair.**

**"But you were a little bit. You know what my insecurities are and you knew that saying you didn't want to be in the band anymore would hurt me." Harry joins Niall standing up.**

**"I wasn't happy in the band. I wanted to feel happy again. All the excitement was gone because I couldn't have the creative freedom I needed. If I would have stayed, I would have started to resent you and the boys. I didn't do anything to hurt you Harry, I just wanted you to support me." Niall sighs. He's back to talking lowly. Not wanting to scream anymore.**

**"You made me feel like you didn't love me. I thought you were bored of me and wanted to go out and be a solo artist on your own. You made it seem like you wanted to leave me." Harry admits weakly.**

**"Love, I could never have left you. You were my entire world. Wherever I went, I wanted you to be right by my side." Silence hangs around them after that. They remember their surroundings and stare at each other in horror.**

**"You're not gonna use any of that, right?" Harry sheepishly asks.**

**"That was gold, it's going in." Jackie answers.**

Niall storms out of the room, running down the halls. He doesn't want to be by Harry anymore. He hears his name being called, but he ignores it and keeps running. 

"Ni, please let me talk to you." Harry says from the other end of the hall. Niall finally stops, out of breath. Harry runs up and stands next to him. "Fuck, let me catch my breath." 

"What do you want Harry?" Niall asks softly, he's so tired of fighting.

"What can I do to earn your forgiveness? How can I fix us? Because I miss you, more than anything. I need us back." Harry admits, a lone tear falling down his face. 

"Give me this tour. Just be my friend, only a friend. And let me see if I can trust you. Let me see if you still fit in my lifestyle." Niall misses Harry. He really does. Being his friend during the tour couldn't hurt. Maybe they can move on from this mess. 

"Ok, that sounds amazing." Harry smiles. 

"I'm not asking you to wait for me. Who knows if I can ever get to the point of being with you again? So if you meet someone you really like, don't hold back because of me." Niall tells Harry. He doesn't want to be the reason Harry loses something that could be great. 

"Are you still in love with me?" Harry quietly asks.

"Harry," Niall sighs. 

"Just answer the question." Harry pleads. 

"Yes." 

"Then I'll wait for you forever." Niall breaks out into a small smile. 

This might be the best tour yet. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who read. I have the Narry Support Group and Emilie to thank for helping me! I really appreciate you guys helping me get this done. I love y'all!! Also, there will be a sequel, so look out for that.....


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